


I could pull you from the fire

by SophieRomanoff97



Series: Sophie's Clintasha extravaganza [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Brainwashing, Childhood Trauma, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint is so sweet, Conditioning, Cuties, Deaf Clint Barton, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fireworks, Flashbacks, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Intimacy, Love, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, New Year's Eve, New Years, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Clint Barton, Psychological Trauma, Re-Education, Red Room (Marvel), Trauma, Triggers, True Love, Unintentional Self Harm, clintasha foreverrrrrr, otp aint ever gonna die, re-conditioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22104112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRomanoff97/pseuds/SophieRomanoff97
Summary: Natasha and Clint are cooped up in Germany when New Year begins around them. Nat gets triggered, Clint is a sweetheart, and the pair make it through the night.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov
Series: Sophie's Clintasha extravaganza [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591042
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	I could pull you from the fire

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey hey, it's your angst filled Clintasha loving author back once again with more hurt/comfort. So New YEar's is a thing and not a fun thing for someone with PTSD so what did I decide to do to make myself feel better? make my fave characters go through it too whoops. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> TW'S: panic attacks, flashbacks, past abuse and past conditioning, unintentional self harm (hair pulling), and Clint being too sweet to handle :)
> 
> Translations (Russian): (I'm lazy and didn't feel like translating whole sentences so there's less Russian then you normally see from me sorry)  
> milaya - sweetie  
> malyshka - baby

"Nat? Hey, beautiful, you're okay. Just take a breath, nice and slow, just like we practice. One..." 

Clint's soft tone finally filtered through the noise screaming in Natasha's head.

She shuddered, dropping forward into the waiting embrace. Clint's arms encircled her, one hand rubbing at her back and the other tenderly cupping the back of her head.

"You're okay." He said roughly against her ear, keeping his breathing as even as he could.

Natasha gasped frantically against his neck, fingers curled, clutched really, into his shirt. 

Another loud bang sounded from outside, a flash of light just visible through the hastily strung blankets the archer had attached to the windows.

Natasha startled violently, a low whimper escaping her clenched teeth. Her nails dug in hard enough to leave marks.

"Breathe, baby-" Clint murmured, leaning back to take her hands, squeezing rhythmically. "In and hold, milaya, nice and easy. You're okay, you're here with me, we're in some shitty ass safe house in backwards Germany. We get to go home tomorrow, Nat."

Trying to ground her even more, he pressed kisses to the different parts of her face, continuing to squeeze her hands and breathe deeply.

Everyone around them was out celebrating new year but Natasha and Clint were in the quiet of the safe house, clinging to one another. 

Clint wouldn't have wanted to be everyone else. Sure, he wished Natasha wasn't struggling, but seeing the new year in together, alone and holding one another? Nothing better.

He had been hoping they'd be able to get through the night without flashbacks because they were so rough for the redhead but he knew as the breaths against his neck quickened and as Natasha stiffened in his grasp that it was inevitable.

"Okay." He said quickly, "okay, love." Clint climbed onto his knees, slowly letting go of her hands as he noticed the wild, terrified look in her eyes. 

Touching her when she regressed was never a good idea, they had both learned that the hard way.

"Sweetheart?" Clint ventured softly, hands held up in front of him. 

Another bang, only this time Natasha flinched and moved away from Clint instead of towards him.

She backed up so fast her head hit against the wall she pressed herself up against. Her hands slid from their position curled around herself and instead tangled in her hair.

She was hyperventilating now, rocking back and forth. As Clint ever so slowly took a small pace towards her, he could hear what his bad ear hadn't allowed him to before.

She was muttering, whispering really, in Russian. Clint had grown pretty adept at the language, even though he'd always struggled with them before Natasha had come into his life.

He may have been better at that particular language, but he was by no means fluent. 

Natasha was talking too quietly and too quickly for him to catch all of the words, but the gist of it wasn't hard to pick up.

"Nat, love? It's Clint, you're not there anymore, okay?" The archer kept his voice even but a little loud, hoping it would register with the trembling woman.

Natasha may not have been in The Red Room physically anymore but mentally, she was in the thralls of remembering every horror.

Sounds had been used often to instill emotion, specifically fear, in the girls. By the time Natasha had come back to America with him, it was so bad that even the dull thud of Clint's clumsy ass stubbing his toe sent her right back there.

Now, after de-conditioning and time, almost all of those triggers were gone. She wouldn't have able to do the job they did if she hadn't.

Gunshots, raised voices, the rattle of handcuffs, no longer triggered her. But for some reason, the loud bangs, particularly unexpected ones, still got to her.

She'd had multiple de-conditioning sessions entirely focused on loud noises like fireworks and so far, nothing had worked.

The fireworks now were not unexpected, it was New Year, but no matter how much prep the pair had done, it hadn't been enough. 

Had they been home, there was a chance it could have gone a lot smoother but as it stood, in a shitty safe house with no soundproofing whatsoever, it clearly was not going well.

They didn't have her noise cancelling headphones or her sensory items or anyone of the comfort things she used. No lavender, no hot tea, no blankets to huddle under, no TV to play garishly bright children's films.

They'd come onto the mission last minute, it hadn't even been their op. But the agents who's mission it had been had needed emergency extraction and so the two best stealth agents were sent in.

They'd only had time to grab their pre-packed mission bags and their weapons before they were on the jet heading towards Germany.

Neither had even really registered that it was New Year until the fireworks began. Even if they'd been home, they wouldn't have been too bothered. It would be like any other night except that Natasha would have had all day to prepare.

Looking at his partner's panic stricken face, Clint decided it was the last New Year mission they would ever take. Fuck it, they weren't the only stealth agents at Shield, Nick would manage just fine.

As another fire work exploded, the hands in Natasha's hair pulled hard enough for strands to come out.

Clint moved closer and quietly, slowly, reached for one of her hands. 

"Natasha, you're not there. You're safe. Completely safe. It's just noise, malyshka, not going to hurt you."

Green glazed eyes half looked at him, half looked through him. 

Natasha's fingers clenched in Clint's as she shot out rapid sentences that the archer only half understood.

Breaking out his Russian, with his terrible accent that Nat teased him about, he tried to bring her back.

Slowly she started to ground herself, climb out of her head and back to the present. 

When red light shimmered from outside, Clint made a quick decision that, if Natasha was still somewhat in her past, could result in him losing a hand. 

He quickly clamped his hands down over her ears just as the bang ripped through the sky. 

Natasha flinched, teeth biting into her lower lip, but it hadn't been quite as big a reaction as before.

Natasha pushed herself forward, back into Clint's grasp. She dropped her forehead against his, her fingers curled into his shirt. 

Clint pressed a soft kiss to her nose as her eyelids fluttered shut. He kept his hands hands over her ears as she got more settled.

After a moment, he closed his own eyes, rocking them gently from side to side.

Natasha was quiet and they sat there for a little bit of time before Natasha dragged her fingers over Clint's chest, signing out a word even though his ears weren't covered. 

He smiled softly and nodded his head in response. "Of course, Nat." He hummed, though he knew she would only really be able to hear the rumble of his voice rather than the words. But that was the point.

She'd asked him to sing, and he was never one to let his firebird down.

In a cold, damp safe house in Germany, an archer sang to his girl as New Year went on around them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi if you'd like to listen to the sing I imagine Clint singing here ya'll go :) it's been my Clintasha song for yeeeeears
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt1kc_FniKM (fic title is from the song too!)


End file.
